


What's Normal

by Quicksilver_ink



Category: Radiant Historia
Genre: F/M, M/M, Queer Identity 101 According To Raynie, Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 21:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1617293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quicksilver_ink/pseuds/Quicksilver_ink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kiel admires Sergeant Stocke. An awful lot. And in kind of the same way he admires pretty girls like Sonja. But the Sergeant's a hero, so it's perfectly normal to feel that way... isn't it?</p><p>Fortunately for Kiel, Raynie has a broader notion of what's normal than most people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's Normal

Captain Rosch hadn’t been joking when he said he'd subject them to harsh training after the Alma Mine mission, and Kiel was starting to wish he’d paid more attention during the training lectures on field medicine. It wouldn’t have actually made him feel any less sore, but that way he’d at least know the names of the muscles that were protesting so vehemently. He was trudging out of the practice courts towards the barracks, to change out of his sweat-dampened clothes and wash, when the passage of a red-clad figure caught his eye.

Automatically, Kiel turned to watch Sergeant Stocke stride out into the practice field.

“Stocke! You’re late. Again.” The captain sounded more amused than upset. “And you promised me a match, too.”

“Sorry. I had things to do,” the Sergeant replied in a mild tone. “I’m here now.”

The captain snorted. “Yes, after I’ve worn myself out chasing an entire brigade around. If I didn’t know you better I’d say you were afraid to face me when I’m fresh.”

Sergeant Stocke shrugged and began a series of arm-and-shoulder stretches. They were a little different from the ones Kiel’s group went through before drill -- maybe he’d learned them in Specint? Or maybe they were part of the reason for the man’s unparalleled swordsmanship. Kiel watched the exercises, wondering absently what the Sergeant’s arms looked like, if the sleeves and cloak concealed the thick muscles he’d seen on some of the other men, or if they were more like the strong-but-slender limbs of the Valkyrie.

“Fah, it’s too damn hot, and I’m tired. I’m going to hit the showers.” Rosch trudged heavily past both Stocke and Kiel. He stopped in the doorway and looked back at his adjutant, who had moved on to stretching his legs. “Don’t think you’re getting out of our match this easily! I expect you on time tomorrow, Sergeant!”

Kiel stood to attention as the captain left the room, but turned back to watch Stocke again as soon as the larger man had vanished. The swordsman finished his stretches and began a series of lunges, first with just his legs and then incorporating his whole body.

Around them,  soldiers from other brigades filtered in -- the practice courts were open to everyone right now, so it wasn’t a surprise, really. Kiel backed up to a wall to be out of the way, and after that didn’t pay much attention to them, mesmerized by Stocke’s drill. Now the swordsman had moved on to what had to be speed drills, his blade moving faster and faster until Kiel fancied he heard the air hum as the flashing blade sliced it.

“ _Kiel._ ”

Kiel looked around for the speaker, and was startled to find the mage was standing at his elbow, looking slightly exasperated. “Raynie?” He said her name without thinking, then reddened as he realized how rude he'd sounded. “Sorry, uh... Sar... no, Corporal,” Oh, _help_ , what was her rank? She'd come with the Sergeant from Specint, she and the healer-mage, and they both answered to the Sergeant so it had to be something below that...

“Raynie's fine. I used to be a merc, and then I was Specint, so I'm not in the habit of much formality anyway.” She grinned, and Kiel found himself smiling in return. “So what was so fascinating I had to say your name five times to get your attention?”

“You did?” Kiel rubbed the back of his neck, which had grown hot. “Oh, no, I'm so sorry. I was just watching Sergeant Stocke drill.”

“Oh, yeah?” Raynie turned to look in the direction Kiel had been facing. The Sergeant had his back to them and was executing a complicated footwork pattern. “ _Nice_. I see why you were so distracted.” She paused. “He's a really good fighter, too.”

“He's the best!” Kiel blurted out, then realized what he'd said could be taken the wrong way. “The best after Captain Rosch and Field Marshal Viola and the other officers, I mean, of course.”

Raynie said thoughtfully.“I dunno, I haven’t seen the Valkyrie but I have seen Rosch fight, and I think Stocke might actually be better.” The mage tapped a finger on her chin. “I mean, he _was_ Specint's top man before Rosch asked him to come back to the army. I haven’t been with him long, but me and Marco saw some action with him before getting transferred to the main army. On our first mission everything went to hell but he got us through it somehow, and he was really awfully wounded but you wouldn't have known it, the way he fought, and moved those huge barricades...”

“I heard about that!” Kiel replied, eager to demonstrate his knowledge about their CO’s exploits. “Everyone says that most people would've _died_ from wounds like that, but he kept fighting despite them. The Sergeant's _amazing_.”

“Yeah. He really is something.” Was it his imagination, or did Raynie sound a little sad? Her voice was cheerful enough as she continued, “He's smart, too. Street smarts, as we said back in Cygnus, but he's got book learning too. We were standing around in the palace waiting to muster out and Marco was trying to figure out how old this big vase was… and then just out of nowhere, Stocke casually gives the name of some old dynasty, and when Marc asks why, Stocke says you can tell because of something in the picture.”

“He's so strong, and brave, and smart...” Kiel sighed happily.

“Makes you go a little weak in the knees just thinking about him, yeah?” Raynie glanced at him sidelong and grinned conspiratorially.

Kiel nodded, feeling a little giddy. Finally, someone else who understood! The others in their brigade all looked up to the Sergeant, of course, but sometimes they would roll their eyes when Kiel wanted to keep talking about amazing the Sergeant was. “I hope we can both live up to his example!”

Raynie stared. “Live up to his...” she repeated slowly, then hit herself in the forehead with the heel of her palm, like she'd had a realization. She stayed quiet a long time, then looked at him, a little worried furrow between her eyebrows. “Um, Kiel... we need to have a talk.”

“Isn't that what we're doing?” Kiel asked cheerfully. A thought struck him and he added, nervously, “I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to cheek a superior officer, I just-.”

The woman shook her head quickly. “Nah, that's not it. Just... okay.” She took him by the elbow and steered him out of the practice courts into the hall, glancing around before speaking again. “So listen. I was a mercenary, right? And before that I sort of grew up in Cygnus, and before that... well, the point is, I've seen a lot of different kinds of people.”

Kiel listened in growing puzzlement as Raynie -- her voice pitched low -- told him a story of two men she'd known as a kid in Cygnus who owned a bakery together, and sometimes hired her to sweep their floors for pennies and leftover bread. Two men who were _together_ , like the Captain and Sonja, only living together, “So it was more like they were married. They might as well have been, because in Cygnus you basically move in together and if you want to start calling each other ‘husband’ or ‘wife’ or whatever it's seen as your business, and people just go along with it. Not like Alistel. I was really surprised by the big public ceremonies.”

“But.. but they're both _men_ ,” Kiel said, trying to backtrack to the fundamentally confusing part of the story. “And you said they were...” He stumbled over the words in his confusion. “In Love. Married. Is that really... that _happens_?”

“Yeah, it happens,” Raynie confirmed. “Two guys fall in love, or two girls. It doesn't happen so often as a guy and a girl for some reason.” She shrugged. “But it still happens plenty.”

Kiel felt like the top of his skull had been removed and the whole sky was rushing in. There was so much he didn't understand about this and wanted to. Two men in love. Did they kiss? Did they write love letters, did they sleep in the same bed like his parents did? How did it all work? Surely they couldn't have children together?

But all the questions rattled against each other and caught in his throat, like a logjam in a river, and he couldn't voice any of them.

Raynie smiled sympathetically. “It can be a bit much to take in. Don’t sweat it if you don’t get it all at once.”

“I... why did you bring this up, all of a sudden?” he asked. His voice was shaky.  He was absolutely not wondering what it would be like to hold the Sergeant's hand, feel the rough skin of his palm. He _definitely_ was not going to think about what it would be like to kiss him. Not at all. “I mean, you don't think I... but I like Sonja!” Under any other situation he could never have admitted it aloud, but here it was something familiar to cling to. “So I must not be like those men you knew in Cygnus. I'm _normal_ ,” he added, a little frantic. “I just look up to him a lot, is all!”

“What's normal, really?” Raynie sighed. “Yusu and Kai -- the bakers I knew -- they were about as normal a couple as you get. I think, anyway. They lived together and argued about curtains and things. And it's not like you have to pick just one kind of person that you can fall in love with. I mean, I like men with brown hair, but I’ve also had a blond guy or two catch my eye, you know?” She clapped him on the shoulder, the way he'd seen her do with Marco, sometimes, but then her hand stayed there, heavy, and she went on seriously. “Listen, Kiel. I can't tell you how you feel about Stocke. Only you can do that. But the way you talk about him, it seems pretty much like how you talk about Sonja, and not, well… not how you talk about Captain Rosch.”  She lifted her hand.

“Oh.” Kiel looked down at the ground. The brick floor of the training ground was a regular, tidy pattern, the complete opposite of the whirlwind of his thoughts right now. He shook his head, looking back up. “Raynie... do you think the Sergeant will mind? That I- I mean, if I... since I'm a guy, and all, and I know you said it's normal but I've _never_ heard of any of this before.”

Raynie shook her head, smiling. “Stocke's a good guy. A really good guy. I can't see him having a problem with you. Who knows, maybe he swings towards guys himself. He's certainly not looking at any women, no matter how hard I-” she bit off the end of the sentence, and sighed. “Half the women in Alistel would go with him if he asked, but he hasn't. So you might have a shot.” She smiled crookedly. “Good luck.”

“I don't know... I mean, even if I do...” He trailed off, took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. “Thank you.”

“Kiel... one other thing.” She looked at him seriously. “Like I said, I don't think Stocke will mind. But you can’t be sure about other soldiers, you know? So be careful in front of other people.”

“Careful? You think they might get jealous?” Kiel hazarded. “Because I like him more than them?” Or… might one of them like him, Kiel, that way? Okay, that’s even more confusing, think about it later.

Raynie was nodding. “Well, there's that. But... some guys get weird about it. Nervous, confused, even scared?”

Kiel wondered if she could read his mind, and nodded.

Raynie went on. “But a lot of soldiers don’t like to admit they’re afraid of anything, or confused. They worry if it makes them look weak, too, sometimes. So they get angry, to hide their fear. I think the Rosch Brigade are all good guys right now, but you never know, and I’d hate for you to get hurt ‘cause some idiot couldn’t face his fears like a man and took it out on you instead.”

“I’ll be careful,” Kiel assured her. He couldn’t imagine any of his fellow soldiers actually hurting him, but he remembered what had happened when Norval found Michael’s letter to the woman at the recruiting desk. Norval had read it aloud to the entire brigade, in a sort of fluttering falsetto voice. Kiel had laughed with the rest, although he’d felt uneasy about it. And now the idea of his feelings for the Sergeant  -- whatever kind of feelings they were -- becoming the butt of a joke like that made his stomach knot.

Raynie studied his face, then nodded when she found whatever she was looking for. “Good. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some spear drills to work on… and you, my boy, need a shower.” She smiled, pinched her nose and waved a hand in front of her face.

“Yes, ma’am!” Kiel threw a salute, then turned and walked down the hallway. He passed by the doorway to the practice courts, and glanced back into the large room. Sergeant Stocke, a splash of red amidst the drab colors of other warriors in practice clothes, continued to exercise uninterrupted. He was apparently unaware of the intense conversation his appearance had prompted. His brow glistened with sweat, stray strands of hair plastered to his face.

Kiel swallowed, feeling suddenly red-faced and dry-mouthed. He’d better make that a _cold_ shower.

**Author's Note:**

> I lay the blame for this squarely at the feet of [Jikanet-Tanaka](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jikanet_tanaka/pseuds/jikanet_tanaka), whose remarks on tumblr got me thinking about Raynie giving Kiel some, er, encouragement, and [LadyNighteyes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNighteyes/pseuds/LadyNighteyes), who wrote the prompt I'm filling.


End file.
